i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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