Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
