nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
