East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
