I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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