nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
