I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
