In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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