Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just blew my weed a kiss
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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