We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
