I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
