u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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