Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
