1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
