I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
