Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
