Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
is it fun? or sober?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
