When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
