Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
