He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
