New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
