Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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