White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
