Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
