so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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