So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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