I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
