you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
