I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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