So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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