Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
