Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
