if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
