I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
