i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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