I didn't shave. On purpose
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
