Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
