he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
