I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
