The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Pants are for mortals
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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