I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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