dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
