I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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