I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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