If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
