I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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