so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
