Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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