pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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