Don't you send me to vm
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
