fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
