Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
