when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
