so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
