the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
