i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
