My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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