Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
