I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
