she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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