I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
