Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
