The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
