I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
