There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
