Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
