I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
