Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
