I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
