Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
